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| Jennifer.. (djwh1te2@aol.com)
For
Charles Fredrick Canadien
With Love
The man who believed there is no such word as can't! |
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| In Honor of my Dad...
Dear Daddy,
Hi Dad, I think this is going to be the hardest letter that I have ever written. I keep typing, then erasing it, just to give it another go, maybe I am not ready yet to write this to you. I have a gift for writing, but I so very much want this letter to be perfect.
I am giving you something that I have not been able to do yet, Dad, a tribute to go where the whole world can see it. I have wanted to do this for a lifetime.
It hurts me so badly that your grave is unmarked. That people step on you, without the knowledge that you're there, that they might have been able to make a choice not to, out of respect.
I visited you before I left, I really wanted to stay forever Dad. My life was such a mess I told God that I quit, that I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I asked him if my life was going to be like this forever, if I had done something so horrible and is that why I was so very lonely. So lonely I cried myself to sleep every night wishing that I didn't have to be so strong, wishing that I had someone to lean on, that I didn't have to keep fighting just to exist.. I dont know if it was you because the records are so old and I think that they dont know either. The man tried to find you.
I found some stones and made a plot for you and laid flowers. . Funny, how you honestly think something will stay forever . . .the caretaker didn't take notice of the stones that I spent hours getting for you, or your flowers laid there, scattering them with the lawnmower. David had just come into my life then, and he cried, for the flowers and stones that spelt DADDY. He helped me lay them back again. He told me years later that he made a promise to you, to take care of me. He had just met me and he already loved me.
This letter is a lot harder than I thought it would be Dad. I can't stop crying and my hands are shaking, and I am so damn honored to be writing this for you. I want to thank you for giving me David, my wonderful sweet man. And he is someone strong, and he holds me, and loves me more than I have ever been loved before. I don't have to be so strong, I dont have to exist any more Daddy and my life has reason, a purpose. Oh, Daddy thank you, thank you for giving me David, and for being there when the minister asked who gives this woman? I felt you Daddy and I know that you have always been there, that I really wasnt alone. I know you're here now reading over my shoulder, and I hope that you are proud Daddy, for you have a place that will be honored, and a place where people won't tread. I love you Dad.
Your daughter,
Jenny (now White) Dad :)
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